THE RISK OF RELATIONSHIP
Last month my 50th birthday party came and went.
Asking for the party felt daunting, bold and frankly, selfish. Experiencing it felt exhilarating, wonderful and deeply humbling. Standing in a room filled with people that came just to celebrate me was a gift beyond what I had expected - a grown woman filled with childlike joy at the beauty of a life lived with others.
At one moment I stepped back from the crowd and scanned the room to take in all the faces. So many different lives, so many different stories, so many different paths that have all somehow come across mine. Their ages range, their political views range, their family cultures are each notably unique.
With some I share an understanding of our deep individual hopes and dreams. With others I simply share an understanding of what it really means when our child’s coach says that practice ends at 8pm (Hint: It does NOT end at 8pm). We have worked together, celebrated together, traveled together and sat on sidelines together. I’ve cried with some, argued with others, and most certainly laughed with each and every one.
Life has been good to me, I realized as glanced across their faces.
And life is best lived with others.
Deep down I think we all know we crave relationship, but people are messy. To step into the life of another is to risk stepping into both beauty and pain, to open your arms to another’s acceptance and their rejection. Get close enough and you’ll find someone’s rough spots, and they will undoubtably find yours.
Relationships take time, effort and a healthy, gradual letting down of your guard. To be known requires making yourself ‘knowable’ and I have found that the most daunting part of it all. To endeavor at a life truly lived with, and not simply alongside others, requires vulnerability.
“To live with courage, purpose, and connection - to be the person whom we long to be - we must again be vulnerable. We must take off the armor, put down the weapons, show up, and let ourselves be seen.” -Brené Brown
These days I’ve been trying to let myself be seen. It feels inspiring and terrifying all at the same time, freeing and horrifying in tandem. As if I’ve torn off restrictive clothing and embraced liberation only to realize that I’m now completely naked - at times I desperately wish others would just avert their eyes.
But perhaps that’s how we all feel.
Perhaps that’s why relationships require risk.
Perhaps that’s why the reward of friendship is a beautiful thing, indeed.
To those that joined me as I celebrated half a century, I am truly thankful. Their smiling faces and best wishes reminded me of the valuable gift it is to be connected with others. Hurts tempt us into isolation and sometime safety masquerades as security, but I’m learning that being known is worth it.
To hide or be seen.
To protect or to risk.
To pull back or to press in.
In small, incremental steps we make these decisions every day. I think we are worth making the brave choice.