CHRISTMAS CHAOS

There are so many things I love about Christmas, but let’s be honest…it’s a lot. 

A lot of planning, a lot of preparation, a lot of parties and pressure and people. Every year I’m determined to reduce my ‘to do’s,’ decrease my shopping, limit my events and spend more time sitting still in front of my Christmas tree. 

And yet, most years as I clear the floor of littered piles of wrapping paper on Christmas Day I find myself overwhelmed with a sense of genuine relief. Thank God, we made it. 

I know this is not how I’m ‘supposed’ to feel and invariably the relief is joined by a wave of guilt that I didn’t find a way to do it different this year, that I didn’t fully embrace the simplicity of the holiday, that my life did not embody the wonder of creating holiday magic with those I love.

But this is the reality of Christmas.

In the midst of a self-proclaimed ‘merry’ time of year, all the things that do not fall comfortably within that description still remain.

There are still love ones we wish we could see, both distant and gone.

There are still relationships we wish we could fix, both broken and strained.

There are still the heartaches and challenges that dot our every-day life, both internal and in the lives of those that surround.

As we enter the holiday season we attempt to box-up the course of our lives so that as we collide with the single day known as Christmas, all is merry and bright. But I doubt it was meant to be this way.

Buried beneath all the Merry Christmas and Happy Holiday wishes, the origin of our holiday speaks a different tale. At its heart and beginnings, the Christmas story is one filled with chaos and difficulty, struggle and confusion. 

Despite the sparkling clean beauty of our nativity scenes, a baby born in a stable is not a light and carefree event. On our small country property we have a coup with forty chickens - I can’t imagine giving birth in there, let alone as a teenage girl.

No, the beginnings of the Christmas story don’t look like all things merry and bright, they look very much like chaos and struggle. They look like ‘things not as they should be’ and the search for a sliver of light in the darkness of a struggling world.

They look like some of our lives.

Given the truth behind the history of the holiday we celebrate, our comfy categories about what emotions are or are not allowed on Christmas are likely juvenile at best, and only leave us forever struggling to shake off a seasonal wave of guilt.

So wherever you sit this season, whatever emotions come your way, I’d argue you fit perfectly within the true holiday tale. Conflicting emotions are not contrary to Christmas Day, and sometimes alongside merry and bright, we encounter despair and darkness.

It’s okay, all the feelings are welcome, you have not failed the holiday.

But I do hope you enjoy a very real Christmas.